Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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