White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
