when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
