dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
