you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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