I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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