I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
