pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm too high and old for this...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
