he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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