just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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