Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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