Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
