happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
