The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
