why didn't you poke me back
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
