Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
