u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
