his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
