i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
