I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
