My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
