how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think people are normalizing furries
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
