I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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