I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
