i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
