I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
