I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
