You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
