hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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