I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
