You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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