how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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