you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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