I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
