you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
