Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do vagina's smell?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize