if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
