Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
