I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
