I faked an abortion last night.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
