What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
