There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize