I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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