i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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