They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
