I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize