dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
