The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
