Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
