On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
