got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize