yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
