one might say we're banned from that church
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
