Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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