Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
