stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
