Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
