What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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