woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
