Sry I called you an 8
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
