I have demons in me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
