i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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