Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
