after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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