I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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