So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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