this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
