So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
