I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The best revenge is premature balding
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
