Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
