sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
