I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Randomize
