I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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